i cried fer nearly half hour n finally went to wash my face n tot i wud stop crying.. but.. when i went back fer a drink.. my tears came flowing down my cheeks.. i wasnt able to stop crying afterall.. called ah fang.. but still no use.. my tears wun stop.. my eyes went puffy n red.. my supervisor came over n asked me to go home as she saw tt i was realli not in the right mood to work animore.. wad shocked me more was.. she and my other colleagues (inclusive of those hu were on leave todae + my manager) act. prepared "bai jin" fer my dear ah ma.. they realli din know my ah ma at all.. and they had done so much fer me.. i am realli grateful fer their actions.. *touched*.. they were realli understanding colleagues..

i think i am realli a crybaby.. cuz my tears started its work on my face again.. this time it was worst.. the tears did not stop flowing when i left my workplace nor did it left me when i waited fer my bus to come.. n continued on during the journey and finally stopped when i was back in my house bathing.. it was a full half an hour again.. probably everyone hu passed by me had act seen this ugly tearing image ba.. but i just wasnt in the mood to care abt my image animore.. my brain was full of thoughts why did god n grandpa chose this tym to take awae my dear ah ma juz when my father and us realli wanted to treat her well.. letting her enjoy her rest of her life to her fullest with the family love we were abt to shower on her.. i can see tt my father realli realli wanted to take this chance to show her all his filial peityness towards her.. he wished fer her to pass awae in a place she knew of (our hse)instead of sgh.. but all these wasnt done.. we were not given the chance.. why is this so.. these tots nv left my mind..

after bathing fer a "long tym".. i finally came out.. laid on my sis's bed.. moodless.. my mum came in our room and made a big fuss tt i was angry with her fer i think she treated my ah ma not well enuf when i told her if she cud stay silent n not speak to me..(i realli din mean it.. i juz wanted to be in a silent environment .. u know one one is sad its best to leave her alone.. let her be in a silent environment..) cant she understand this point..? aniwae i was simply juz in a loss of wad i shud be doin.. so i switched on the com decided tt i shud come in and blog.. i juz wanted to remember this moment n mark this moment.. tt i lost my garndma fer good.. n i muz accept this fact.. it is time i face reality.. i'm not goin to escape frm em animore.. i'll try looking it at a different perspective? :'C